How to Handle Rejection (3 Helpful Tips)
In the beginning of my coaching business I got A LOT of rejection.
Well, honestly I still get a lot of rejection.
People sign up for consultations, then don’t show up.
People show up to consults, then tell me they don’t want what I’m offering.
People say yes to a 6 month coaching package, then email me two days later and say they’ve changed their mind.
And I could make all of these things mean something really bad ABOUT MYSELF (and believe me I have many times!).
The tears still flow and tiny tantrums do still happen on occasion.
Because rejection can be painful!
I’ve put myself out there for a lot of potential rejection and because of that I have a fair amount of experience with the thoughts and feelings that come along with it.
That’s why I want to share a few simple tools that make facing (and dealing with) rejection so much easier.
3 Helpful Tips For Dealing With Rejection
1. View Everything As An Experiment
I’ve found that mastering your mindset is key to becoming a more resilient human being.
When you are more resilient, you bounce back from challenges much quicker.
Simple shifts in perspective can take the pressure off of heavily weighted experiences when things don’t go your way.
If we were to zoom really far out man (said in a stoner voice 🤣), I love to think of life as one big experiment.
But if you’re not into that and it feels a bit far reaching, take one specific situation that has the potential for rejection and pretend it’s an experiment.
Imagine you are a scientist in a lab coat being curious about a set of phenomena that could result in something you are trying to create.
When you think of things as an experiment, you shift into a more curious energy therefore diffusing some of the intensity.
I think imagining yourself in a lab coat also lightens the mood!
2. Have a five minute funeral
Feelings are meant to be felt, so allow yourself the time you need to grieve.
How to feel your feelings is not a regular subject taught in school (although it should be).
Most of us have been taught to just “tough it out” which desensitizes us and buries the negative emotion only to resurface at a later date.
As soon as you receive a rejection, give yourself permission to fully experience the anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, despair etc.
It’s completely normal to have a human emotional reaction to rejection.
Be compassionate with that inner child that feels like something has died.
Let yourself have that “five minute funeral” and then you can move on to what’s next.
*Side note* In the beginning of my self development journey, learning how to process my emotions took a lot longer than 5 minutes! Although I have noticed that the time it used to take me to process things has shortened quite a bit. Sometimes you need 5 days or 5 weeks to feel your feelings and it’s not always a straight path. Be compassionate with yourself - it’s okay if the emotions pop up unexpectedly and you feel like it doesn't make much sense. Remind yourself that having negative emotions is a normal (and important) part of being human and this too shall pass.
3. The power of evaluation
I believe we have it within us to create more of what we authentically desire and less of what isn't aligned.
That’s a big part of the reason I’ve been able to stay sober for over 10 years!
In twelve step recovery there is a process of taking inventory of resentments and evaluating the experience to uncover patterns keeping you stuck in suffering.
This is step 4-7 and it’s well known within recovery how often people get stuck on step 4.
It can be really uncomfortable to take an honest look at our shortcomings and take responsibility for our part in unwanted certain cycles.
But it’s necessary for growth and improvement.
So here is a simple 3 question evaluation to take inventory of experiences so you can keep growing:
What worked?
What didn't work?
And what can I do differently next time?
It’s important to celebrate yourself for getting out there, taking action, and experimenting with going after your goals.
That’s why reminding yourself of what worked is the perfect way to take note of what you want to keep doing and congratulate yourself for that.
Then you can shift the focus to any ideas of what didn’t work or what you could potentially change going forward.
This will help you uncover things that can be worked on.
There is ALWAYS room for growth.
No one is perfect, and taking the time to assess what’s not working will save you a lot of time (and heartache) even though it might feel slightly uncomfortable owning up to it in the moment.
All 3 of these helpful tips for dealing with rejections work best when they are used all together.
Test them out and try them on - see how it feels and let me know your thoughts!
I love trying to simplify complex processes that we as sensitive creative people can have difficulty with.
This is why I became a Career Coach for Creatives and this is the exact work I help my 1:1 clients with all of the time.
Curious about how it works? Book a free consult call and we can discuss how coaching might literally change your life and career.
Hope to talk soon!
Lauryn